A Fire Upon the Deep

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CHAPTER 38

Jefri hadn't seen the sky for more than an hour in the last two days. He and Amdi were safe enough in the great stone dome that sheltered the refugee ship, but there was no way to see outside. If it weren't for Amdi, I couldn't have stood it a minute. In some ways it was worse even than his first days on Hidden Island. The ones who killed Mom and Dad and Johanna were just a few kilometers away. They captured some of Mr. Steel's guns and the last few days the explosions had gone on for hours, a booming that shook the ground beneath them and sometimes even smashed at the walls of the dome. ^ V Preceding sentence AWK
^ V Possible INCON with claim elsewhere of 151 all surviving
!V Also INCON, later you are explicit that the children are in separate
!V halls. c38

Their food was brought in to them, and when they weren't sitting in the ship's command cabin, the two wandered outside the ship, to the rooms with the sleeping children. Jefri had kept up with the simple maintenance procedures he remembered, but looking through the chill transp of the coldsleep coffins, he was terribly afraid. Some of them weren't breathing very much. The inside temperature seemed too high. And he and Amdi didn't know how to help. ^ FRAG:
^
It was an eerie place under the dome, even when Woodcarver's
^ bombs were not landing outside. Mr. Steel had not laid any floor over
^ the original ground. In the flickering torchlight Jefri could see the
^ same hummocky landscape that had seemed so alien less than a year
^ ago. Of course, without the sun, the moss had turned brown, but this
^ was the place at the top of the hill where Woodcarver had done the
^ murders. He still could find an occasional arrowhead deep in the
^ moss. There had been brown stains across one of the landing pylons;
^ Mr. Steel refused to say just what had made them. Amdijefri avoided
^ that spot as much as they could.
!CHK INCON the speed with which the castle was put up. You may want to
! have
! large parts of it still incomplete
!V CHK MacAuley
!ID Blight, the Fungal Mind
!RETROwrite Amdi's fidgetiness?
!V June 18, 1991 CHKd 5d since <mini>surge

Nothing had changed here, but now there was joy. Ravna's long silence had ended. Amdijefri and Mr. Steel had actually talked to her in voice! Three more hours and her ship would be here! Even the bombardment had ended, almost as if Woodcarver realized that her time was near to ending. !V CHK INCON 5y in CHRON
^ V I think this age is still INCON (probably should be 5 years)
!V June 18, 1991 mARK

Three more hours. Left to himself, Jefri would have spent the time in a state of wall-climbing anxiety. After all, he was nine years old now, a grown-up with grown up problems. But then there was Amdi. The pack was much smarter than Jefri in some ways, but he was such a little kid -- about five years old, as near as Amdijefri could figure it. Except when he was into heavy thinking, he could not stay still. After the call from Ravna, Jefri wanted to sit down for serious worrying, but Amdi began chasing himself around the pylons. He shouted back and forth in Jefri's voice and Ravna's, and bumped into the boy accidentally on purpose. Jefri hopped up and glared at the careening puppies. Just a little kid. And suddenly, happy and so sad all at once: Is this how Johanna saw me? And so he had responsibilities now too. Like being patient. As one of Amdi came rushing past his knees, Jefri swept down to grab the wriggling form. He raised it to shoulder level as the rest of the pack converged gleefully, pounding on him from all directions.
They fell to the dry moss and wrestled for a few seconds. "Let's explore, let's explore!"
"We have to be here for Ravna and Mr. Steel."
"Don't worry. We'll remember when."
"Okay." Where was there really to go? !CHK "clerestory" -- suspect usage, but close.
!V QU why is this expedition really needed? TUF
^ V reCHK "clerestory"

The two walked through the torchlit dimness to the clerestory that ringed the inner edge of the dome. As far as Jefri could see, they were alone. That was not unusual. Mr. Steel was very worried that Woodcarver spies might get into the ship. Even his own soldiers rarely came here. !V June 5, 1991 INCON. No curtains at all?
!V 05Jun91 mARK

Amdijefri had investigated the inside wall before. Behind the quilts, the stone felt cool and damp. There were some holes to the outside -- for ventilation -- but they were almost ten meters up where the wall was already curving inwards toward the apex of the dome. The stone was rough cut, not yet polished. Mr. Steel's workers had been in a frantic hurry to complete the protection before Woodcarver's army arrived. Nothing was polished, and the quilts were undecorated.
Ahead and behind him, Amdi was sniffing at the cracks and fresh mortar. The one in Jefri's arms gave a concerted wiggle. "Ha! Up ahead. I knew that mortar was coming loose," the pack said. Jefri let all of his friend rush forward to a nook in the wall. It didn't look any different than before, but Amdi was scratching with five pairs of paws.
"Even if you can get it loose, what good does it do you?" Jefri had seen these blocks as they were lowered into place. They were almost fifty centimeters across, laid in alternating rows. Getting past one would just bring them to more stone.
"Heh heh, I don't know. I've been saving this up till we had some time to kill... Yech. This mortar burns my lips." More scratching, and the pack passed back a fragment as big as Jefri's head. There really was a hole between the blocks, and it was big enough for Amdi. One of him darted into the tiny cave.
"Satisfied?" Jefri plunked himself down by the hole and tried to look in.
"Guess what!" Amdi's shrill came from a member right by his ear. "There's a tunnel back here, not just another layer of stone!" A member wriggled past Jefri and disappeared into the dark. Secret tunnels? That was too much like a Nyjoran fairy tale. "These are big enough for a full-grown member, Jefri. You could get through these on hands 'n' knees." Two more of Amdi disappeared into the hole.
The tunnel he had discovered might be large enough for a human child, but the entrance hole was a tight fit even for the puppies. Jefri had nothing to do but stare into the darkness. The parts of Amdi that remained at the entrance talked about what he had found. "-- Goes on for a long, long way. I've doubled back a couple of times. The top of me is about five meters up, way over your head. This is kooky. I'm getting all strung out." Amdi sounded even sillier than his normal playfulness. Two more of him went into the hole. This was developing into serious adventure -- that Jefri could have no part of.
"Don't go too far; it might be dangerous." ^ V June 18, 1991 CHK sp grammar "laid"

One of the pair that remained looked up at him. "Don't worry. Don't worry. The tunnel isn't an accident. It feels like it was cut as grooves in the stones when they were laid. This is some special escape route Mister Steel made. I'm all right. I'm all right. Ha ha, hoohooo." One more disappeared into the hole. After a moment the last remaining one ran in, but stayed near enough to the entrance so Amdi could still talk to Jefri. The pack was having a high old time, singing and screeching to itself. Jefri knew exactly what the other was up to; it was another of the games he could never play. In this posture, Amdi's thoughts would be the weirdest rippling things. Darn. Now that he was playing within stone, it must be even neater than before, since he was totally cut off from all thoughts except from member to adjacent member.
The stupid singing went on a little longer, and then Amdi spoke in an almost reasonable tone. "Hei, this tunnel actually splits off in places. The front of me has come to a fork. One side is heading down.... Wish I had enough members to go both ways!"
"Well, you don't!" !V BKG birds, for sure!

"Hei ho, I'll take the upper tunnel today." A few seconds of silence. "There's a little door here! Like a member-size room door. Not locked." Amdi relayed the sounds of stone scritching against stone. "Ha! I can see light! Up just a few more meters, it opens onto a window. Hear the wind." He relayed wind sound and the keening of the sea birds that soared up from Hidden Island. It sounded wonderful. "Oh oh, this is stretching things, but I wanna look out.... Jefri, I can see the sun! I'm outdoors, sitting way up on the side of the dome. I can see all round to the south. Boy, it's smoky down there."
"What about the hillside?" Jefri asked the nearest member; its white-splotched pelt was barely visible through the entrance hole. At least Amdi was staying in touch. ^ V June 10, 1991 "month" problem

"A little browner than last tenday. I don't see any soldiers out there." Relayed sound of a cannon firing. "Yipes. We're shooting though.... It hit just on this side of the crest. There's someone out there, just below my line of sight." Woodcarver, come at last. Jefri shivered, angry that he couldn't see, frightened of what might be seen. He often had nightmares about what Woodcarver must truly be, how she had done it to Mom and Dad and Johanna. Images never fully formed ... yet almost memories. Mister Steel will get Woodcarver.
"Oh, oh. Old Tyrathect is coming across the castle yard this way." Thumping sounds came from the hole as Amdi blundered back down. No point in letting Tyrathect know that there was a tunnel hidden in the wall. He'd probably just order them to stay away from it. One, two, three, four -- half of Amdi popped out of the wall. The four wandered around a little dazedly. Jefri couldn't tell if it was because of their stretched-out experience or if they were temporarily split from the other half of the pack. "Act natural. Act natural."
Then the other four arrived, and Amdi began to settle down. He led Jefri away from the wall at a fast trot. "Let's get the commset. We'll pretend we've been trying to raise Ravna with it." Amdi knew well that the starship couldn't be back for another thirty minutes or so. In fact, he had been the one who verified the math for Mister Steel. Nevertheless, he chased up the ship's steps and dragged down the radio. The two were already plugging the antenna into a signal booster when the public doors on the west side of the dome were unlatched. Silhouetted against the daylight were parts of a guard pack, and a single member of Tyrathect. The guard retired, sliding the doors shut, and the Cloak walked slowly across the moss towards them. !RETRO INCON how has Tyrathect been presented to the children in the past?
! Female or Male? Has the name Flenser come up? PRB Doesn't seem like that
! would be a word in Jefri's vocabulary. QU Maybe Skinner instead? --YES
! Note this is not a naming problem for Johanna. Even if she doesn't know
! the word "flenser", it would be in Dataset.
!V Answer to preceding questions:
!V The kids call her Tyrathect (no title)
!Small PRB confusion: Amdi's members are "puppies" but they are much
! older than Woodcarver and Peregrine's puppies. This raises:
!PRB TINES: Seems reasonable that individual members would reach adult
! size soon, so it may actually be wrong to call Amdi's members "puppies".
! In that case, his childish behavior may need other explanations NÆH,
!V in fact Woodcarver's puppies seem to grow slowly
!IMP PRB general: How/why/if Jefri and Amdi use the proper terms of
! address
! like "Lord"? This might be because Amdi is doing a good job of
! translation
! in concert with Jefri's recollection of stories of medieval times.
!V I don't think they do use terms like Lord, do they?
!V June 18, 1991 Amdi, in Samnorsk, would use "Mister", but in
!V Tinish should probably use "Lord"
! PRB But there's still the question of why they're using exactly the same
! terminology that Johanna is using. QU Maybe I should use different
! terminology with Amdijefri, modern things like captain and chairman?
!V (at January 18, 1991 ): "Mister"

Amdi rushed over and chattered about their attempts to use the radio. It was a little forced, Jefri thought. The puppies were still confused by their trip through the walls.
The singleton looked at the powdering of mortar dust on Amdi's pelt. "You've been climbing in the walls, haven't you?"
"What?" Amdi looked himself over, noticed the dust. Usually he was more clever. "Yes," he said shamefacedly. He brushed the powder away. "You won't tell, will you?"
Fat chance he'll help us, thought Jefri. Mr. Tyrathect had learned Samnorsk even better than Mr. Steel, and besides Steel was the only one who had much time to talk with them. But even before the radio cloaks, he'd been a short-tempered, bossy sort. Jefri had had baby-sitters like him. Tyrathect was nice up to a point, and then would get sarcastic or say something mean. Lately that had improved, but Jefri still didn't like him much.
But Mr. Tyrathect didn't say anything right away. He sat down slowly, as if his rump hurt. "... No, I won't tell."
Jefri exchanged a surprised glance with one of Amdi. "What is the tunnel for?" he asked timidly.
"All castles have hidden tunnels, especially in my ... in the domain of Mr. Steel. You want ways to escape, ways to spy on your enemies." The singleton shook its head. "Never mind. Is your radio properly receiving, Amdijefri?" !PRB QU I think it's quite plausible that Amdi has this understanding,
! but do I have to work more at making it plausible to the reader?

Amdi cocked a head at the comm's display. "I think so, but there's nothing yet to receive. See, Ravna's ship had to decelerate and um, I could show you the arithmetic...?" But Mr. Tyrathect was obviously not interested in playing with chalk boards. "... well, depending on their luck with the ultradrive, we should have radio with them real soon." !QU is the mix of omniscient pov and childish pov to jarring here? How to
! fix?
!V June 18, 1991 following paragraph gives needed time slop

But the little window on the comm showed no incoming signal. They watched it for several minutes. Mr. Tyrathect lowered his muzzle and seemed to sleep. Every few seconds his body twitched as with a dream. Jefri wondered what the rest of him was doing.
Then the comm window was glowing green. There was a garble of sound as it tried to sort signal from background noise. "... over you in five minutes," came Ravna's voice. "Jefri? Are you listening?"
"Yes! We're here."
"Let me talk to Mr. Steel, please."
Mr. Tyrathect stepped nearer to the comm. "He is not here now, Ravna." !V Note that the following deletion is an attempt to avoid making the
!V power of Tinish mimicry too blatant.
!V Seems to me likely that Flenser would
!V be aware of that ability as a plus. Also it might have been
!V confusing to Jefri to use imitative voices when in conversation
!V with Amdijefri.
! Tyrathect cast his voice somewhere in timber between Jefri's
! and Ravna's. It sounded very strange.

"Who is this?" !V good BKG point here, but CHK "high name" v "taken name" grep
!V the proper is "taken name" of these two
!V Unfortunately, "given name" doesn't appear;
!V I do see the phrase "lower protocol name" used only
!V in my internal notes.
!V June 18, 1991 only see "taken name" in ms.
!V this is also related to <modes> discussion

Tyrathect's laugh was a giggle; he had never heard any other kind. "I?" He made the Tinish chord that sounded like "Tyrathect" to Jefri. "Or do you mean a taken name, like Steel? I don't know the exact word. You may call me ... Mr. Skinner." Tyrathect laughed again. "For now, I can speak for Steel."
"Jefri, are you all right?"
"Yes, yes. Listen to Mr. Skinner." What a strange name. !PRB QU I very much want to use this practical joke/deception of Amdi
! pretending
! to be Jefri. It sets up major SEQ possibilities -- and even may
! explain some apparent inconsistencies with "The Blabber".
! Is this plausible here?

The sounds from the comm became muffled. There was a male voice, arguing. Then Ravna was back, her voice kind of tight, like Mom when she was mad. "Jefri ... what's the volume of a ball ten centimeters across?" !Is it clear why Pham wants this sort of question asked?
!V June 6, 1991 CHK 4./3. * PI * (10./2.)**3

Amdi had been fidgeting impatiently through the conversation. All through the last year he had been hearing stories of humans from Jefri, and dreaming what Ravna might really be like. Now he had a chance to show off. He jumped for the comm, and grinned at Jefri. "That's easy, Ravna." His voice was perfect Jefri -- and completely fluent. "It's 523.598 cubic centimeters ... or do you want more digits?" !IMP Go through and child-ify Tyrathect's Samnorsk?

Muffled conversation. "...No, that's fine. Okay, Mr. Skinner. We have pictures from our earlier pass and a general radio fix. Where exactly are you?"
"Under the castle dome at top of Starship Hill. It's right at the coast by a --" !V Pham should not speak perfect Samnorsk -- this may require
!?V small changes elsewhere

A man's voice cut in. Pham? He had a funny accent. "I got it on the map. We still can't see you direct. Too much haze." !FRAG 05Jun91
! Abruptly
! Tyrathect's speech broke into Tinish gobbling. The singleton
! convulsed briefly. Part of Amdi moved close, and tried to nuzzle the
! other's throat. The Cloak waved him away. Jefri was very glad that
! Amdi had never tried the radio cloaks. Tyrathect was obviously in
! pain.
! He rolled onto his feet. "Yes.
!
!twisted under his cloak, little panting noises coming
! from his mouth. He was drooling on the ground,
!

"That's smoke," said the Cloak. "The enemy is almost upon us from the south. We need your help immediately --" The singleton lowered its head from the commset. Its eyes closed and opened a couple of times. Thinking? "Hmm, yes. Without your help, we and Jefri and this ship are lost. Please land within the castle courtyard. You know we've specially reinforced it for your arrival. Once down we can use your weapons to --"
"No way," the guy replied immediately. "Just separate the friendlies from the bad guys and let us take care of things." ^ V June 18, 1991 Unfortunately, Tyra and Steel Samnorsk should be
^ V confined to childish dialect (though you need not be extreme)
^ V On the plus side: I don't think they do talk Samnorsk that much

Tyrathect's voice took on a wheedling tone, like a little kid complaining. He really has been studying us. "No, no, didn't mean to be impolite. Certainly, do it your own way. About the enemy force: everyone close to the castle on the south side of the hill are enemy. A single pass with your ship's ... um, torch ... would send them running."
"I can't fly that torch inside an atmosphere. Did your Pop really land with the main jet, Jefri? No agrav?"
"Yes, sir. All we had was the jet."
"He was a lucky genius."
Ravna: "Maybe we could just float across, a few thousand meters up. That might scare them away." !QU Should I downplay the conflict within Tyra here (so that I may
! emphasize it more at the climax?
!V SOLN maybe, about the gender thing with Tyra, you might just repeat
!V what you said very early on about femaleness being a secret

Tyrathect began, "Yes, that might --"
The public doors on the north side of the dome slid open. Mr. Steel stood silhouetted against the daylight beyond. "Let me talk to them," he said.

!V CHKd CHRON 31 weeks would agree almost exactly with CHRON
!V It's not clear enough why they are going to use the lander
!V rather than the whole OOB.
!V In the aftermath of the ship's fire, some of this might be explained:
^ V the fact that the ship as a whole is not much of a fighting machine
!V and that they have the laser rifle for the lander
!V June 18, 1991 Direct: 20.88Kly, Length of OOB's Path: 26Kly.

The goal of all their voyaging lay just twenty kilometers below OOB. They were so close, yet those twenty thousand meters might be as hard to bridge as the twenty thousand light-years they had come so far.
They floated on agrav directly over "Starship Hill". OOB's multispectral wasn't working very well, but where smoke did not obscure, the ship's optics could count the needles on the trees below. Ravna could see the forces of "Woodcarver" ranged across the slopes south of the castle. There were other troops, and apparently cannon, hidden in the forests that lined the fjord south of that. Given a little more time they would be able to locate them too. Time was the one thing they did not have. ^ V June 18, 1991 tojrf: corny/repetitive?

Time and trust.
"Forty-eight hours, Pham. Then the fleet will be here, all around us." Maybe, maybe godshatter could work a miracle; they'd never know stewing about it up here. Try: "You've got to trust somebody, Pham." !V June 5, 1991 Antimatter bomb?

Pham glared back at her, and for an instant she feared he might go completely to pieces. "You'd land in the middle of that castle? Medieval villains are just as smart as any you've seen in the Beyond, Rav. They could teach the Butterflies a thing or two. An arrow in the head will kill you as sure as an antimatter bomb." !V 10Jun91 mARK

More fake memories? But Pham was right on this: She thought about the just-concluded conversation. The second pack -- Steel -- had been a bit too insistent. He had been good to Jefri, but he was clearly desperate. And she believed him when he said that a high fly-by wouldn't scare the Woodcarvers off. They needed to come down near the ground with firepower. Just now, about all the firepower they had was Pham's beam gun. "Okay, then! Do what you and Steel talked about. Fly the lander past Woodcarver's lines, laser blast them."
"God damn it, you know I can't fly that. The landing boat is like nothing either of us know, and without the automation I --" !IMP ID 15Jul90 Pham triggers the big surge???
! This does help with the deus ex machina a little; at least
! it ties things
! together. Probably needs some RETROwriting. This scenario also raises
! the attractiveness of bumping Pham off. One less loose end?
! QU who all votes for bumping Pham off?
!V QU Am I leaving out too much, or should this stuff be obvious now?

Softly: "Without the automation, you need Blueshell, Pham." There was horror on Pham's face. She reached out to him. He was silent for a long moment, not seeming to notice.
"Yeah." His voice was low, strangled. Then: "Blueshell! Get up here." !jrf2 Need something more to clinch it; or let Pham bend more before.
!Till EOMarker below, this is what I did in Michigan (minus the first
! 85 words which were moved here from 17.txt) p1.txt and p2.txt from
! the Panansonic
!Looks like I did 10250 words on that laptop in Michigan
! (34.16 nominal pages).

!RETROwrite why Pham couldn't use the powered armor that he used at RIP.
!V Yeah!!! What reason did you have in mind??? This looks like
!V a major IMP INCON.
!V SOLN the ship's "fire"
!V QU repetitive

OOB's lander had more than enough room for the Skroderider and Pham Nuwen. The craft had been built specifically for Rider use. With higher automation working, it would have been easy for Pham -- for even a child -- to fly. Now, the craft could not provide stable flight, and the "manual" controls were something that gave even Blueshell a hard time. Damn automation. Damn optimization. For most of his adult life Pham had lived in the Slowness. All those decades, he had managed spacecraft and weapons that could have reduced the feudal empire below to slag. Yet now, with equipment that should have been enormously more powerful, he couldn't even fly a damn landing boat. !QU should somewhere I bring up the notion of just doing an intimidating
! flyby with the OOB? DONE (above)
!In the rest of your zone stories, the agrav seems passive, yet here
! you seem to be using it in a directed way. QU is this too much of an
! INCON?
!QU does there need to be more elaboration on why this is hard to fly --
! much harder than nearly-as-powerful craft that we could even make
! in the XX'th century? (Analogy with A320 after its automation goes
! away)
!V IMP again this is reason to RETRO write what sort of revisions had
!V had gone into the OOB at Relay

Across the crew compartment, Blueshell was at the pilot's position. His fronds stretched across a web of supports and controls. He had turned off all display automation; only the main window was alive, a natural view from the boat's bow camera. OOB floated some hundred meters ahead, drifting up and out of view as their craft slid backwards and down. !jrf2 "got into" is too colloquial
!V June 18, 1991 I dunno; it's also literal:
^ V June 18, 1991 Slightly AWK detour (of tone) in middle of paragraph

Blueshell's fidgety nervousness -- furtiveness, it seemed to Pham -- had disappeared as he got into piloting the craft. His voder voice became terse and preoccupied, and the edges of his fronds writhed across the controls, an exercise that would have been impossible to Pham even if he had a lifetime of experience with the gear. "Thank you, Sir Pham.... I'll prove you can trust...." The nose lurched downwards and they were staring almost straight into the fjord-carven coastline twenty kilometers below. They fell free for half a minute while the rider's fronds writhed on their supports. Hot piloting? No: "Sorry, sorry." Acceleration, and Pham sank into his restraints under a grav load that wobbled between a tenth gee and an intolerable crush. The landscape rotated and they had a brief glimpse of OOB, now like a tiny moth above them.
"Is it necessary to kill, Sir Pham? Perhaps simply our appearance over the battle...." ^ PRB wish I could put something about Qeng Ho or Nuwen's childhood here

Nuwen gritted his teeth. "Just get us down." The Steel creature had been adamant that they fry the entire hillside. Despite all Pham's suspicions, the pack might be right on that. They were up against a crew of murderers that had not hesitated to ambush a starship; the Woodcarvers needed a real demonstration. !ID "Packfolk" is probably an appropriate term for how OOB crew (and
! Jefri) refer to Tines. I don't see how Jefri would have been exposed
! to the term "Tines".
!V But by January 25, 1991 I had changed to Tines, partly to solve
!V the problem of a name for Navnløs

Their boat fluttered down the kilometers. Steel's fortifications were clearly visible even in the natural view: the rough polygon that guarded the refugee ship, the much larger structure that rambled across an island several kilometers westward. I wonder if this is how my Father's castle looked to the Qeng Ho landers? Those walls were high and unsloping. Clearly the Tines had had no idea of gunpowder till Ravna had clued them to it. !jrf2 "clued" instead of "clewed"

The valley south of the castle was a blot of dark smoke smoothly streaming toward the sea. Even without data enhancement, he could see hot spots, fringes of orange edging the black.
"You're at two thousand meters," came Ravna's voice. "Jefri says he can see you."
"Patch me through to them."
"I will try, Sir Pham." Blueshell fiddled, his lack of attention spinning the boat through a complete loop. Pham had seen falling leaves with more control.
A child's piping voice: "A-are you okay? Don't crash!"
And then the Steel pack's hybrid of Ravna and the kid: "South to go! South to go! Use fire gun. Burn them quick."
Blueshell was entirely too cooperative to this direction. He had them down in the smoke already. For seconds they were flying blind. A break in the smoke showed the hillside less than two hundred meters off, coming up fast. Before Pham could curse at Blueshell, the Rider had turned them around and floated the boat into clearer air. Then he pitched over so they might see directly down. !V CHK CHRON INCON 30 weeks
^ V June 18, 1991 "separate from the others" AWK

After thirty weeks of talk and planning, Pham had his first glimpse of the Tines. Even from here, it was obvious they were different from any sophonts Pham had encountered: Clusters of four or five or six members hung together so close they seemed a single spiderlike being. And each pack stood separated from the others by ten or fifteen meters.
A cannon flashed in the murk. The pack crewing it moved like a single, coordinated hand to rock the barrel back and ram another charge down the muzzle.
"But if these are the enemy, Sir Pham, where did they get the guns?" !QU PRB To make more of this inconsistency?

"They stole 'em." But muzzle loaders? He didn't have time to pursue the thought.
"You're right over them, Pham! I can see you in and out of the smoke. You're drifting south at fifteen meters per second, losing altitude." It was the kid, speaking with his usual incredible precision.
"Kill them! Kill them!"
Pham wriggled out of his restraints and crawled back to the hatch where they had mounted his beam gun. It was about the only thing salvaged from the workshop fire, but by God this was something he could operate. !V really need "spicy smoke" somewhere earlier, since now you use it
!V twice in close succession
!V as of March 2, 1991 I have a [awkward] reference in c03

"Keep us steady, Blueshell. Bounce me around and I'll fry you as likely as anything!" He pushed open the hatch, and gagged on spicy smoke. Then Blueshell's agravs wafted them into a clear space and Pham lined the beamer down the ranks of packfolk.

Originally Woodcarver had demanded Johanna stay at the base camp. Johanna's response had been explosive. Even now the girl was a little surprised at herself. Not since the first days on Tines world had she come so close to attacking a pack. No way was anyone going to keep her from finding out about Jefri. In the end they had compromised: Johanna would accept Pilgrim as her guard. She could follow the army into the field, as long as she obeyed his direction.
Johanna looked up through the drifting smoke. Damn. Pilgrim was always such a carefree joker. By his own telling, he had gotten himself killed over and over again through the years. And now he wouldn't even let her up to Scrupilo's cannons. The two of them paced across a terrace in the hillside. The brush fire had swept through here hours before, and the spicy smell of moss ash was thick around them. And with that smell came the bright memory of horror, of a year ago, right here....
Trusted guard packs paced their course twenty meters on either side. This area was supposedly safe from infiltration, and there had been no artillery fire from the Flenserists for hours. But Peregrine absolutely refused to let her get any closer.
It's nothing like last year. Then all had been sunny blue skies and clean air -- and her parents' murder. Now she and Pilgrim had returned, and the blue sky was yellow-gray and the sweeps of mossy hillside were black. And now the packs around her were fighting with her. And now there was a chance.... !V Johanna's swearing further encourages me to drop Ravna's swearing.
!V Look up "Oliphaunt" CHK
!V dictionary says elephant come from OF olifant ( ex greek elefant)
!V don't know where I might have seen this spelling: tolkien?
!V Norsk is elefant

"Lemme closer, damn it! Woodcarver will have the Oliphaunt no matter what happens to me." !V CHK INCON BKG

Peregrine shook himself, a Tinish negative. One of his puppies reached out from a jacket pouch to catch at her sleeve. "A little longer," Pilgrim said for the tenth time. "Wait for Woodcarver's messenger. Then we can --"
"I want to be up there! I'm the only one who knows the ship!" Jefri, Jefri. If only Vendacious was right about you....
She was twisting about to slap at Scarbutt when it happened: A glare of heat on her back, and the smoke flashed bright. Again. Again. And then the impact of rapid thunder.
Pilgrim shuddered against her. "That's not gunfire!" he shouted. "Two of me are almost blinded. C'mon." He surrounded her, almost knocking her off her feet as he pushed/dragged her down the hill.
For a second Johanna went along, more dazed than cooperative. Somehow they had lost their escort.
From up the hill the shouts of battle had stopped. The sharp thunder had silenced all. Where the smoke thinned she could see one of Scrupilo's cannons, the barrel extending from a puddle of melted steel. The cannoneer had been blown to bits. Not gunfire. Johanna spasmed out of Pilgrim's grip. Not gunfire.
"Spacers! Pilgrim, that must be a drive torch."
Peregrine grabbed her, continuing down the hill. "Not a drive torch! That I've heard. This is quieter -- and somebody's aiming it."
There had been a long stutter of separate blasts. How many of Woodcarver's people had just died? "They must think we're attacking the ship, Pilgrim. If we don't do something, they'll wipe out everyone."
His jaws eased their grip on her sleeves and pants. "What can we do? Hanging around here will just get us killed."
Johanna stared into the sky. No sign of fliers, but there was so much smoke. The sun was a dull bloody ball. If only the rescuers knew they were killing her friends. If only they could see. She dug her feet into the ground. "Let go of me, Pilgrim! I'm going uphill, out of the smoke." !CHK He has two puppies?

He'd stopped moving but his grip was fiercely tight. Four adult faces and two puppy ones looked up at her, and indecision was in every look. "Please, Pilgrim. It's the only way." Packs were straggling down, some bleeding, some in fragments.
His frightened eyes stared at her an instant longer. Then he let go and touched her hand with a nose. "I guess this hill will always be the death of me. First Scriber, now you -- you're all crazy." The old Pilgrim smile flickered across his members. "Okay. Let's try it!" The two without puppies went up the hillside, scouting for the safest route. ^ V June 18, 1991 "carbonized" may not be quite right

Johanna and the rest of him followed. They were moving across a sloping terrace. The summer drought had drained the chill swamp water she remembered from the landing, and the blackened moss was firm under her. The going should have been easy, but Peregrine wound through the deepest hummocks, hunkering down every few seconds to look in all directions. They reached the end of the terrace and began climbing. There were places so steep she had to grab the epaulet stirrups on two of Peregrine and let him hoist her up. They passed the nearest cannon, what was left of it. Johanna had never seen weapons fired except in stories, but the splash of metal and the carbonized flesh could only mean some kind of beam weapon. Running across the hill were similar craters, destruction punched into the already burned land. ^ PRB gotta rationalize when Steel's force has cannon and when not

Johanna leaned against a smooth rounding of rock. "Just pull over this one and we're on the next terrace," Pilgrim's voice came in her ear. "Hurry, I hear shouting." He leaned two of himself down, tilting his epaulets toward her hands. She grabbed them, and jumped. For a moment she and the pack teetered over a four- meter fall, and then she was lying on brownish, unburned moss. Pilgrim clustered around her, hiding her. She peeked out between his legs. The outermost walls of Steel's castle were visible from here. Tinish archers stood boldly on the ramparts, taking advantage of the chaos among Woodcarver's troops. In fact, the Queen's force had not lost many packs in the air attack, but even the unwounded were milling around. The Queen's soldiers were no cowards -- Johanna knew that by now -- but they had just been confronted by force beyond all defense.
Overhead the smoke faded into blue. The battlefield ahead of her lay under clear sky. In the years before the High Lab, Johanna and her mother had often gone on nature trips over Bigby Marsh at Straum. With the sensors on their camper packs they'd had no trouble watching the skyggwings there: even if this flier's automation was not specifically looking for a human on the ground, it should notice her. "Do you see anything?"
The four adult heads angled back and forth in coordinated pairs. "No. The flier must be very far away or behind the smoke."
Nuts. Johanna came off her knees, trotted toward the castle walls. They must be watching there!
"Woodcarver's not going to like this."
Two of the Queen's soldiers were already running toward them, attracted by their purposeful movement or the sight of Johanna. Pilgrim waved them back.
Alone on an open field less than two hundred meters from the castle wall. Even with normal vision, how could they be overlooked? In fact, they were noticed: There was a soft hissing, and a meter-long arrow thunked into the turf on their left. Scarbutt grabbed her shoulder, pulling her to a crouch. The puppies shifted his shields into position: Pilgrim made a barricade of himself on the castle side and started back out of range. Back into the smoke.
"No! Run parallel! I want to be seen." !PRB It would be nice if somewhere you could show some coordinated action
! with Pilgrim's or Woodcarver's puppies (freely standing)

"Okay, okay." Soft sounds of death whispered down. Johanna kept one hand on his shoulder as they ran across the field. She felt Scarbutt falter. The arrow had caught him in the thick of his shoulder, centimeters from a tympanum. "I'm okay! Stay down, stay down."
The front line of Woodcarver's force was rallying toward them now, a dozen packs racing across the terrace. Pilgrim bounced up and down, shouting with a voice that punched like physical force. Something about staying back, and danger from the sky. It didn't stop their advance. "They want you away from the arrows." !V Why should that appearance cause the Flensers to stop shooting? CHKd

And suddenly they noticed that the fire from the castle had stopped. Pilgrim scanned the sky, "It's back! Coming from the east, maybe a kilometer out."
She looked in the direction he was pointing. It was a lumpy thing, probably space-based though it had no ultradrive spines. It bobbled and staggered. There was no sign of jets. Some kind of agrav? Nonhumans? The thoughts skittered through her mind, alongside the joy. ^ V June 18, 1991 INCON, If he's gone to wide dispersion, I don't
^ V don't think there'd be much "thunder"

Pale light flickered from a mast on its belly and dirt geysered around the troops who were racing to protect her. Again the stuttering thunder, only now the light was marching right across her friends toward her.

!V IMP Here is where Jefri might catch on

Amdijefri was on the battlements. Steel hid his glares from the two. There simply was no help for it; Ravna had demanded Jefri be by the radio to guide the strike. The human was not completely stupid. It shouldn't make any difference. An army looks like an army whether it is foe or friend. Very soon the army beyond these walls would cease to exist. ^ V June 18, 1991 second sentence AWK

"How did the first run go?" Ravna's voice came clearly from the commset. But it wasn't Jefri who answered: all eight of Amdiranifani was poking around the battlements, some of him sitting on the crenellations practicing stereo vision, others eyeing Steel and the radio. Telling him to stay back had no effect. Now Amdi answered the question with Jefri's voice. "Okay. I counted fifteen pulses. Only ten hit anything. I bet I could shoot better than that." !V June 18, 1991 "grumpiness in ..." AWK FIXED

"Damn it, that's the best I can do with this [unknown words]." The voice was not Ravna's. Steel heard the irritation in it. Everybody can find something to hate in these pups. The thought warmed him.
"Please," said Steel. "Fire again. Again." He looked over the stonework. The air attack had taken out a band of enemy by the edge of the near terrace. It was spectacular destruction, like enormous cannon blows, or the separate landing of twenty starships. And all from a little craft that fluttered like a falling leaf. The enemy front line was dissolving in panic. Up and down the ramparts, his own troops danced about their stations. Things had been bleak since their cannon were knocked out; they needed something to cheer about. "The archers, Shreck! Shoot upon the survivors." Then, continuing in Samnorsk: "The front ranks are still coming. They are -- they are --" Damn, what's the word for "confident"? "They will kill us without more help."
The human child looked at Steel in puzzlement. If he called that a lie, then.... A moment later Ravna said. "I don't know. They're well back from your walls, at least all that I can see. I don't want to butcher...." Rapid fire conversation with the human in the flier, perhaps not even in Samnorsk. The gunner did not sound pleased. "Pham will pull back a few kilometers," she said. "We can come back instantly if your enemy advances." !QU Maybe more use of the term "mantis" instead of "Twolegs"?
! -- at least by packs that don't like humans.

"Ssssst!" Shreck's Hightalk hiss was like a physical jab. Steel wheeled, glaring. How dare -- But his lieutenant was wide-eyed, pointing toward the center of the battlefield. Of course Steel had had a pair of eyes on that direction, but he hadn't been paying attention: The other Two-Legs! ^ V BKG TINES puppies are near-sighted

The mantis figure dropped behind an accompanying pack, mercifully before Amdijefri noticed. Thank the Pack of Packs that puppies are near-sighted. Steel swept forward, surrounding some of Amdi, shouting at the others to get off the parapet. Both of Tyrathect ran in close, physically grabbing for the disobedient wretches. "Get below!" Steel screamed in Tinish. For a second all was confusion, as his own mind sounds mixed with the puppies'. Amdi tumbled away from him, thoroughly distracted by the noise and the rough handling. And then in Samnorsk Steel said, "There are more cannons out there. Get below before you're hurt!"
Jefri started for the parapet. "But I don't see --" And fortunately there was nothing special to see. Now. The other Two-Legs was still crouched behind one of Woodcarver's packs. Shreck took the human child in paw and jaw. He and one of Tyrathect hustled the protesting children down the stairs. As they departed, Tyrathect was already embellishing on Steel's story, reporting on the troops it could see from below the crest of the hill. !V CHK that you've used "narrow beam" earlier
!V Actually you haven't, but I think this is okay March 2, 1991
!V June 18, 1991 small INCON, that he would reveal the potential
!V of the Jaws

"Blow up the lesser powder dump," Steel hissed at the departing Shreck. That dump was near empty, but its destruction might persuade the spacers where words could not.
After they were gone, Steel stood for an instant, silent and shivering. He had never seen disaster so narrowly avoided. Along the ramparts, his archers were showering arrows upon the enemy pack and the Two-Legs. Damn. They were almost out of range. ^ V June 5, 1991 Yecco. What should be the effective range (might look
^ V at that Scientific American article)
!?QU should Steel be using this wheedling tone with the Spacers, or should
! he be demanding even in his deceit?

In the castle yard, Shreck detonated the lesser dump. The explosion was a satisfying one, much louder than an artillery hit. One of the inner towers was blown apart. Flying rock showered the yard, the smallest pieces reaching all the way to where Steel stood on the ramparts. !V But before, Pham said they couldn't see through the haze; need to
!V PRO and RETRO write this properly
!V How do you see through smoke? IMP QU for hld
!V Radar (but intrinsically lo-res)
!V Infra-red?
!V Thermal infra-red would be a problem
!V SOLN is part of the ship's "fire" changes aboard the OOB

Ravna's voice was shouting in swift Samnorsk, too fast for Steel to understand. Now all the planning, all the hopes, all balanced on a knife edge. He must bet everything: Steel leaned a shoulder close to the comm and said, "Sorry. Things go fast here. Many more Woodcarver come up under smoke. Can you kill all on hillside?" Could the mantises see through smoke? That was part of the gamble.
The gunner's voice came back, "I can try. Watch this."
A third voice, thready and narrow even by human standards: "It will be fifty seconds more, Sir Steel. We're having trouble turning."
Good. Concentrate on your flying and your killing. Don't look at your victims too carefully. The archers had driven the human back, part way under the cover of smoke. Other packs were rushing out to protect her. By the time the Visitors circled back, there would be lots of targets, the human lost among them. ^ FRAG (following removed to be consistent with assertion made in the
^ preceding Johanna scene):
^ He let the archers go a
^ few more seconds, then waved them off. No point in directing the
^ spacers attention at that particular point in the field.

Two of him caught sight of the spacer floating down through the haze. The Visitors would have no clear view of what they were shooting at. Pale light flickered from beneath the craft. A scythe swept across the hillside toward Woodcarver's troops.

!QU PRB why Tyrathect/Flenser should have warned Steel of the appearance
! of Johanna
!V SOLN suggest that it be Shreck that warns
!
!RETRO PRO review the nature of Pham's swearing (may be different
! depending
! on whether he is speaking in his native tongue [which is?] or Trisk or
! -- in the second half of the novel -- Samnorsk)
!V CHK there's also the offshore/onshore wind question, but if
!it's a Santa Ana then it must be coming from the inland.
!CHK have to analyze the smoke streaming directions in connection with
! where the fires are
!NÆH: RETRO soot on the snow patches (some opportunity in c34)
!INCON beam gun's dispersion setting may be inconsistent with Johanna's
!V observations
!V Seems like someplace you must say that they can't see through the
!V smoke? INCON PRB

Pham was bounced around his perch as Blueshell turned the boat back to the target. They weren't moving fast; the airstream couldn't have been more than thirty meters per second. But every second was full of the damnedest jerks and tumbles. At one point Pham's grip on the gun mount was all that kept him indoors. Forty some hours from now the deadliest thing in the universe is going to arrive, and I'm taking potshots at dogs. ^ V June 18, 1991 uneuphonious rep: "take"
^ V June 18, 1991 CHK "burst"

How to take out the hillside? Steel's whiny voice still echoed in his ears. And Ravna wasn't sure what OOB was seeing beneath all the smoke. We might do better without automation than with this bastard mix. At least his beamer had a manual control. Pham embraced the barrel with one arm while he reached with the other. At wide dispersion the beam was useless against armor, but could burst eyes and set skin and hair afire -- and the beam width would be dozens of meters across at ground level.
"Fifteen seconds, Sir Pham," Blueshell's voice came in his ear.
They were low this time. Gaps in the smoke flickered past like stop-action art. Most of the ground was burned-over black, but there were precipices of naked rock and even sooty patches of snow trapped in crannies and shadowed pits.... Here and there was a pile of doggy bodies, an occasional gun tube. !V CHK the geometry here. These should be guys running toward Johanna.

"There's a crowd of them ahead, Sir Pham. Running near the castle." !IDEA your idea of what it would be like in the XXI'th on Earth in the
! Zone universe could be illustrated by couple of guys (you being one)
! in an old folks home. It would be more like a slice-of-life story since
! they probably wouldn't figure things out.
!V CHK porcupine? June 18, 1991 "spinehide"

Pham leaned down and looked forward. The mob was about four hundred meters ahead. They were running parallel to the castle walls, through a field that was a spinehide of arrowshafts. He pressed the firing stud, swept the beam out from below the boat. There was plenty of water under that dried cover; it exploded in steam as the beam passed over it.... But further out, the wide dispersion wasn't doing much. It would be another few seconds before he'd have a good shot at the hapless packs.
Time for the little suspicions. So how come the enemy had muzzle-loading cannon? Those they must have made themselves -- in a world with no evidence of firearms. Steel was the classic medieval manipulator; Pham had spotted the type from a thousand light-years out. They were doing the critter's dirty work, that was obvious. Shut up. Deal with Steel later.
Slanting in on the packs, Pham fired again, sweeping through living flesh this time. He fired ahead of them and on the castle side; maybe they wouldn't all die. He stuck his head further into the slipstream, trying for a better view. Ahead of the packs was a hundred meters of open field, a single pack of four and -- a human figure, black-haired and slim, jumping and waving.
Pham smashed the barrel up against the hull, safing it at the same time. The back flash was a surge of heat that crisped his eyebrows. "Blueshell! Get us down! Get us down!"