David is standing next to Daniel; Daniel and Sarah scoot to one side a bit.
if necessary: please be seated
Good morning, and welcome to the wedding of my son, Daniel Max P. Drucker and my soon-to-be daughter-in-law, Sarah Lois Johnstone. I’d like to thank all of you who have travelled to be here with them today. In a few minutes, Sarah and Daniel will share their vows with us in a ceremony that may be sufficiently unfamiliar to some of you to merit a few prefatory words.
Three hundred and twenty five years ago, Pennsylvania’s namesake and founder William Penn leased to Thomas Minshall the land that includes the arboretum we’re gathered at today. Both of these men were Quakers, and as such believed that they should not be subservient to any man, nor be imposed upon by the beliefs of others.
Sarah and Daniel embrace this independence, which informs the idea that, by virtue of their love for and understanding of each other, their own vows are a sufficient declaration of marriage. Customarily, a marriage requires three participants: the bride, the groom, and the officiant who bestows a sacred and/or secular blessing on the proceedings.
For this wedding, the most important authorities have already been consulted. The State’s sanction to wed was granted when Sarah and Daniel obtained their marriage license. They have known for years that they are ready and able to make this commitment. There is no authority remaining, divine or secular, who knows more about these two and their love for one another and their fitness to be married.
And here in Pennsylvania, because of the legacy of William Penn’s Quaker beliefs, no other authority is needed. Couples can request a self-uniting marriage license, which legally allows the bride and groom alone to make a declaration of marriage. And so Daniel and Sarah will speak their vows as a couple; for witness they have their families and friends.
This morning’s ceremony may seem unusual, but in the end the Drucker and Johnstone families will have brand new in-laws, and I for one can’t wait.
Daniel and Sarah sit for each reading.
Each reader is to stand slightly to one side to avoid obscuring the altar.
Reading – Kelli – Loving the Wrong Person by Andrew Boyd
We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. It isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems – the ones that make you truly who you are – that you’re ready to find a life-long mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person – someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
Daniel: Because I love you, I have counted your freckles, and numbered your faults, seen you at your best and brightest and worst. And yet there is always more to know. Trusting another wholly and completely requires faith in the unknowns. It means seeing you as the extraordinary person that you are, not only when you are acting with love, but also when I feel you are not, and giving you my trust not only when I think you deserve it, but also the days I might otherwise not.
Sarah: Loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know, I will allow you mistakes, and change, and will respect you as an individual, a partner, and an equal. Secure in the knowledge that you are wise enough to see through my petty doubts and insecurities, I will trust you with my heart, my mind, and my life.
sarah: flower
Daniel: As I too will trust in you.
daniel: flower
Reading – Jean – Blessing for a Marriage by James Dillet Freeman
May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding.
May you always need one another – not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete; the valley does not make the mountain less, but more; and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it. So let it be with you and you.
May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces.
May you look for things to praise, often say, “I love you!” and take no notice of small faults.
If you have quarrels that push you apart, may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back.
May you enter into the mystery which is the awareness of one another’s presence – no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side, and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities.
May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy.
May you have love, and may you find it loving one another.
Sarah: Our marriage will be the creation of a new family, who share a home and a future. Each of us must be strength, support, and sanctuary for the other. Peace, contentment, joy, and laughter should be familiar; grief and anger, when they come, must be met and challenged together. A loving family views the future with hope, the past with forgiveness, and the present with courage.
Daniel: You are my best friend and partner; we will create a family together. Home will be wherever I am with you. I am prepared to share with you whatever strengths and gifts I have, and I ask that you forgive my failings. I will match my laughter to your joys and my solace to your sorrows; we will grow stronger together.
daniel: flower
Sarah: As I too will forgive, share, and grow with you.
sarah: flower
Reading – Dede – Dedication to my Wife by T.S. Eliot
To whom I owe the leaping delight
That quickens my senses in our wakingtime
And the rhythm that governs the repose of our sleepingtime,
The breathing in unisonOf lovers whose bodies smell of each other
Who think the same thoughts without need of speech
And babble the same speech without need of meaning.No peevish winter wind shall chill
No sullen tropic sun shall wither
The roses in the rose-garden which is ours and ours onlyBut this dedication is for others to read:
These are private words addressed to you in public.
Daniel: As two individuals we have created a shared, inviolable, intimate space that binds us. We continue to enrich this space in many ways – through shared experience, through shared beliefs, through mutual affection. There can be no secrets within this space; no unshared pains or pleasures.
Sarah: I will be your family, friend, lover, and confidante. I will strive to be close to you, never distanced from your thoughts and affections. No part of my mind or body will be kept secret from you.
sarah: flower
Daniel: As I too will be close to you, and open with you.
daniel: flower
Reading – Amy – True Love by Wislawa Szymborska
Love. Is it normal
is it serious, is it practical?
What does the world get from two people
who exist in a world of their own?Placed on the same pedestal for no good reason,
drawn randomly from millions but convinced
it had to happen this way – in reward for what?
For nothing.
The light descends from nowhere.
Why on these two and not on others?Look at the happy couple.
Couldn’t they at least try to hide it,
fake a little depression for their friends’ sake?
Listen to them laughing – its an insult.
The language they use – deceptively clear.
And their little celebrations, rituals,
the elaborate mutual routines -
it’s obviously a plot behind the human race’s back!Love. Is it really necessary?
Tact and common sense tell us to pass over it in silence,
like a scandal in Life’s highest circles.But let the people who never find love
keep saying that there’s no such thing.Their faith will make it easier for them to live and die.
Sarah: We have studied human language more than most, but that grants us no special privilege. Our words are all we have to make our minds known, and these everyone shares equally. Our gift of language should be used in abundance to teach and nurture mutual understanding. You continually challenge and inspire me. Not a day passes that I do not learn from you a new wonder of the world we share, or of myself, or of you.
Daniel: I promise above all to live in truth with you; to let my thoughts and intentions be known through my words, be they eloquent or otherwise. Likewise I will listen, and strive to understand both your speeches and silences. I will never stop learning from you, laughing with you, and delighting in the joy of shared comprehension.
daniel: flower
Sarah: As I too will live in communion of knowledge with you.
sarah: flower
Reading – Bruce – To You by Walt Whitman
Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem;
I whisper with my lips close to your ear,
I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you.I will leave all, and come and make the hymns of you;
None have understood you, but I understand you;
None have done justice to you—you have not done justice to yourself;
None but have found you imperfect—I only find no imperfection in you;
None but would subordinate you—I only am he who will never consent to subordinate you;
I only am he who places over you no master, owner, better, God, beyond what waits intrinsically in yourself.The mockeries are not you;
Underneath them, and within them, I see you lurk;
I pursue you where none else has pursued you;
Silence, the desk, the flippant expression, the night, the accustom’d routine, if these conceal you from others, or from yourself, they do not conceal you from me;There is no endowment in man or woman that is not tallied in you;
There is no virtue, no beauty, in man or woman, but as good is in you;
No pluck, no endurance in others, but as good is in you;
No pleasure waiting for others, but an equal pleasure waits for you.As for me, I give nothing to any one, except I give the like carefully to you;
I sing the songs of the glory of none, not God, sooner than I sing the songs of the glory of you.Through birth, life, death, burial, the means are provided, nothing is scanted;
Through angers, losses, ambition, ignorance, ennui, what you are picks its way.
Daniel: The past two years and more, from the day we met to the day I gave Sarah this ring to today have been the best of my life. Even better will be the years ahead.
Sarah: With these vows we are making a committment to share those years with each other alone. We have both made mistakes in our time, but it would be immeasurably foolish to lose one another for any reason.
Daniel: I will be faithful to you in thought, word, and action, and will never give cause to break these vows that have been freely given.
daniel: flower
Daniel: Sarah Lois Johnstone, do you take me as your husband, for as long as we both shall live?
Sarah: I do. I will be faithful to you in thought, word, and action, and will never give cause to break these vows that have been freely given.
sarah: flower
Sarah: Daniel Max P. Drucker, do you take me as your wife, for as long as we both shall live?
Daniel: I do. Sarah, may this ring always remind you of my love for you.
daniel: ring to sarah
Sarah: Daniel, may this ring always remind you of my love for you.
sarah: ring to daniel
The Kiss … applause!
Jean and Dede come forward to sign marriage license as witnesses
Daniel and Sarah recess down aisle together to music; escape for five minutes of private time
Wedding party announces cocktails, ushers guests to food
Someone takes vow vase for placement at bridal table